So I have been having these crazy vivid steroid induced dreams . I only have them at night and only when I am on the steroids for 4 days post chemo . They are always the same ,visits or a peak at the ‘other side ‘ .
Thought I would share and am interested if anyone else has had this experience .
I see what feels like a big room almost dinner theatre style . I can’t see tables or chairs but people seem to be sitting in groups of 2 or 3 for the most part .At this point I have only seen my maternal and paternal relatives (no friends or in laws ) with the exception of Mr and Mrs Read ( dear former neighbours whom I have I know since grade 8) .
The people are ageless. They are defined well enough for me to recognize them but they are neither young or old but more of an essence of themselves kind of all mixed up. I only see faces no bodies with the exception of my Grandmother Yorke (my Moms Mom ) She has a full body and is the only one wearing clothes . She has lavender and blues on …. a dress and apron. I can clearly see her ‘shiny’ wrists which I sometimes see on myself .
I saw my Aunt Geraldine ( who passed recently ) with her head down looking deep in conversation with her husband my Uncle Alex (my Dads brother who passed 10 years or more ago ) I got the sense they had a lot of catching up to do .
I saw my Uncle Paul (Dads brother ) with both his first and second wife . Kind of weird but that’s what I saw.
I saw my moms brothers Harry,Donald and Jimmy in a group with Verna (Donald’s wife in the background )
I saw my Uncle Malcom and Aunt Merle (My moms sister and husband) next to my Aunt Eileen and Uncle Paul (My moms sister and husband). They seemed to be happy with each other’s company .
I saw my Dad (who passed in August ) he was with his Uncle Byron. My Dad kept waving me off and turning away from me saying ‘no room ,no room ‘ I felt like he was annoyed to see me ,but maybe he is telling me to stay put with the living .
I can see my Grandmother the one with the clothes on , she is with Grampy Yorke and Bradley (my sisters son who passed as a young boy ) . Bradley keeps gravitating towards my Dad but my Grandmother keeps sticking out her arm and pulling him back to her. I get the sense she has been looking after him for a long time and is not ready to share him .
On Tuesday night I saw my in laws for first time . Ken’s Dad Doug passed in November and his Mom Carol had just passed on Monday the day before this dream . They were together with their son Gary (who had passed as a young boy many years ago) Carol was so excited ,she looked so beautiful a mix of young and old and she was saying ‘oh my stars my baby ,my baby , oh my stars ‘
It is a beautiful place to see. I am not sure if it is heaven or at least it is not the heaven I have imagined but it is something .
I don’t know if I am having these dreams due to the drugs ,or if when you really face your own mortality you become more open to other possibilities . I do find them comforting and fascinating at the same time .
Wow, that sounds so surreal! I am glad it gives you comfort and it must feel so good to see those you have lost. I wonder too, if others going through chemo have these dreams. As always, thanks for sharing my birthday twin.
Thanks Janet
Hey Susan,
I want to share with you a dream my sister had right after she had been diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and had just finished her first round of chemo. She needed to have emergency surgery and had 2 surgeons refuse to touch her, thankfully a 3rd stepped up.
During the surgery she had a dream of seeing the bright light and starting to go towards it and then she sensed our Dad with her, he had passed 2 years before this, the light was all of a sudden behind her and she could only see Dad by looking over her shoulder. She knew he was sending her back to finish her life with the rest of us.
I know your Dad was sending you the same message, your time is not done here. You still have some rough times ahead but with the love and support from all of your family and friends you will beat this disease.
My sister is 10 1/2 years out from that day and is so very grateful.
Hang in there, sending love and hugs.
Thanks for sharing Laurie
I don’t know what it is either Susan but I do believe there is a message in all of it. A message of calm and peace. Everything will be okay.
And it appears that they are showing you that they are all okay, so there is no need for you to worry about them.
The message may be saying that we’re all good so we don’t need you here right now. Just focus on yourself!
We all know that it’s so hard for you to be a patient because you are always the caregiver but please don’t worry about everything/everyone else.
They, and all of us here have your back!
Such a blessing that you get to see that your loved ones that are all okay.
And not surprising for my Mom to appear and yell out “Oh My Stars” Classic Carol! Haha!
Love you Susan
Thanks Beth
Wow! That is so interesting. It’s good to know it is not your time yet, hence the waving you away. It is also comforting to know that everyone seemed content on the other side. I like to think that Doug and Carol are being healed by being with Gary.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
What an amazing dream.
You have such vivid recall .
Susan, I am happy that it brings you comfort.💞
Wow, what a gift to see that. Most of us would give anything to experience that for even a few minutes. It doesn’t matter how it happened, it is a gift.
Agree totally ,hope you are well
Your Dad is right, no room, no room (HUGS)
You sound like Emily lol!
Wow,so very interesting Susan. Thanks for sharing
Thanks Edith
Sounds like a lovely place to visit, Susan, even if you don’t know why you’re there. Hope the comforting feelings last long into your waking hours.
Thanks Donna and thanks again for the card and emails !